Stay ahead of the curve with our weekly guide to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and moreStay ahead of the curve with our weekly guide to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and more Stay ahead of the curve with our weekly guide to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and more Helen Coffey’s exploration of Dunbar’s Number – the idea that humans can only maintain around 150 meaningful friendships – struck a chord with Independent readers.Coffey’s piece sparked thoughtful reflections on how friendship can change with age and circumstance. Many agreed that social media inflates the appearance of connection, and that true friendship is about quality, not quantity. Several readers dismissed the idea of having 150 friends as “nonsense” or a “nightmarish full-time job”, saying that beyond a handful of close companions, most people are merely acquaintances.Others spoke about the natural ebb of social ties over time. One reader described how moving to a new area made it “incredibly difficult” to form friendships, while another reflected on the loneliness that can creep in as people age.Here’s what you had to say:People have many friends, but the numbers decrease every decadeWhen you are young and live with your parents, people have many friends, but the numbers decrease with every decade. I know people who live without any friends. I also see people talking outside the house with others, and nobody says “come in for a cup of tea or coffee.” Once, I went shopping and saw two neighbours standing outside and chatting. When I came back after nearly an hour, they were still there. I said jokingly, “Why don’t you go inside and chat over a cup of coffee?” They pretended they did not understand my language. Once, I met two people having coffee in a coffee house and I talked to them. They said they had known each other for 20 years. A few days later, I met one guy alone. I said, “Where’s your friend?” He said, “He’s not my friend, I only know him from long ago.”TotiCallingQuality over quantityI was moved from school to school as a kid, so found it difficult to penetrate established friend groups.As an adult, making solid friendships was very important to me. I have six best friends who are not in a group, and I treasure every experience I have with them. They are my world. Quality friendships are more important than the hundreds on social media.caro66A nightmare150 “friends”? Really? That sounds like a nightmarish full-time job.TsarbeeI don’t need to fill my diary upI think women tend to have more friends than men on average because women are simply more prepared to put in the time and effort needed to nurture a friendship. Men are, on the other hand, rather lazy on this front – including myself.I have three close friends and then what I call “tier two” friends, which always concerns my wife, especially as I get older (as do my friends). She struggles with the fact that I told her I simply don’t need more good friends, as to her that just seems so irrational – and I can see her point, to a degree. I think the main reason she’s concerned is that if I don’t have a good circle of friends when I retire, I’ll be stuck at home biding my time and doing very little. But as I said to her, that’s what I’m looking forward to about being retired. I’ll still see my friends and family, but I see no need to (like her) fill my diary up with things to do. My wife and I just see retirement from a different perspective, and we need to allow each other to spend it as we deem best.Rafpi1964It’s the quality of your friendships, not the quantity, that endures150? That’s a total pile of nonsense as far as I can see. I know no one who has 150 friends, or anywhere remotely close to that figure. Perhaps it’s an age thing, but after your thirties I find the need to whittle down your friendships to just key people increases.Loose, vague friendships I don’t count in that number, as they tend to be for a season or a reason – but not for life. It’s the quality of your friendships, not the quantity, that endures.Moo100Making new friends is incredibly difficultSeven years ago, I moved from living overseas where I had quite a few friends, to the UK, to an area where I have none. Making new friends is incredibly difficult – especially when you don’t have any! (I’m not Johnny-no-mates, I’m Johnny-doesn’t-know-anyone-mates!)andrew65So my plumber makes the cut, then?“To make it into the overall 150, a person has to be someone you try to contact, and vice versa, at least once a year.”So my plumber makes the cut, then?Beyond the core five, I would say that nearly everyone else is an acquaintance. And then, once you get into your mid-60s, even some old school friends die off.YetAnotherNameGood, kind, smart, generous, honest peopleI prefer to consider the quality rather than the quantity of my friends. I consider myself blessed, as I have managed to draw a circle of five or six people close to me – and to each other – who I value very highly. Good, kind, smart, generous, honest people. God only knows what they see in me!Jolly SwagmanI can’t take most people seriouslyMy best friend died doing the biggest thing I’ve seen a man do in the modern world. And I just can’t take most people that seriously ever since.It’s a tricky one, as it simultaneously relegated and promoted the rest of the human species. You’re all more important to me now, even though on many levels I don’t want to know you. TheRedSquirrelSome of the comments have been edited for this article for brevity and clarity.Want to share your views? Simply register your details below. 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‘150 friends sounds like a nighmarish full-time job’: Readers weigh in on optimal number of friends
