Stay ahead of the curve with our weekly guide to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and moreStay ahead of the curve with our weekly guide to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and more Stay ahead of the curve with our weekly guide to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and more In the 2001 animated classic Shrek, a princess falls in love with an ogre. It’s a simple, straightforward plot predicated on the idea that looks don’t matter, because true love always prevails. Except, that’s not really the premise at all. Spoiler alert: the princess is secretly an ogre herself.Despite being one of the most well-known and revered pieces of pop culture (for good reason: The muffin man! Puss in Boots! The dragon who falls in love with a donkey!), Shrek evidently remains woefully misunderstood. At least, that’s the takeaway from the latest viral dating trend currently dominating digital discourse, which has been somewhat heinously named “Shrekking”. Like with all of these strange, internet-speak terms, the origins of Shrekking are almost impossible to pinpoint. And yet, practically overnight, it seems to have developed a ubiquitous online presence, and one clear definition: Shrekking is when women intentionally date less attractive men in the hope that doing so will ensure they’re treated better. It’s about this idea of dating down, which reduces romance to a superficial metrics system; if the person you’re with is less valuable than you, either in terms of looks, intelligence, or potentially even earnings, then you’re guaranteed to be treated well by them out of sheer gratitude. In other words, they’re just lucky you picked them! They’ll treat you like a princess! You’ll never get hurt again!It’s easy to understand the appeal, particularly in today’s heterofatalistic dating landscape, where everyone you meet seems to be resentful, lonely, angry, and unbearably horny, all at the same time. The promise of being with someone who’s only ever going to worship you because you’re so out of their league is an extremely seductive one… but mostly because it’s not real.Just as quickly as “Shrekking” started floating around, so did “getting Shrekked”, which is when you date someone apparently below your station, only to wind up getting messed around anyway. As one TikToker put it: “We’ve all been there. We give the guy we’re not attracted to a chance, thinking that he will for sure know what he has and treat us well. And then we get traumatised by a whole troll.” Meanwhile, a male user concurred, posting a clip saying: “Every single one of my pretty friends has been legitimately traumatised by a guy who looks like Shrek.”There has been ample commentary on the trend, too, with one TikTok clip garnering more than 600 comments from people concurring that they have been “Shrekked”. “You give them a chance and they start acting as if they’re the attractive one in the relationship,” wrote one person. “Literally twice now I’ve tried them out to see if there any diff to the looker ones and my god they are the worst [sic],” another added. One even recalled a recent date, writing, “I hate to say it, but this was me just a few days ago. Long story short, the date ended with me hiding in a janitor closet in the bathroom. I’m traumatised. That’s what happens when we give these undeserving boys a chance. Let’s not do it anymore.”All this paints a grim reality about what it means to date today. So jaded and distressed are today’s single people, thanks to apps and the overriding sense of despair that comes with getting ghosted, lovebombed and breadcrumbed on rotation, that we’re intentionally pursuing people we aren’t attracted to. The thinking goes that this will guarantee love, yet it only winds up even more traumatising when it inevitably doesn’t because – shockingly – nothing can predict bad behaviour, not even a perceived lack of hotness. What has happened to us all?“Although ‘Shrekking’ may sound like a pragmatic response to dating fatigue, in reality it reveals some concerning patterns in how singles approach love and relationships,” says Claire Rénier, relationship expert at dating app happn. “Beyond appearance, the trend is also rooted in self-preservation. It’s understandable to want to minimise vulnerability and emotional risk in today’s difficult dating landscape, but protecting yourself at the expense of someone else’s feelings doesn’t solve deeper issues.”The truth is that thinking of dating in terms of who is meeting certain standards is never going to end well – particularly if you’re doing it so as to ensure your higher status in the relationship. It highlights everything that’s wrong about modern dating, and all of the absurd judgements we make about the people we meet; writing them off as less attractive, problematic, or covered in red flags when we don’t even know their last name.Although ‘Shrekking’ may sound like a pragmatic response to dating fatigue, in reality it reveals some concerning patterns in how singles approach love and relationshipsClaire Rénier, relationship expert at dating app happnIf that’s your mindset going into finding love today, it’s no wonder you’re not having much luck. Surely the key is to be open, and give people we meet the benefit of the doubt, regardless of whether we think they’re a Shrek or a Fiona. “I’d recommend really thinking about what it is you’re looking for in a partner, and focus on these qualities when looking at potential partners,” suggests Reiner. “I’d also take a step back from focusing on physical attractiveness. While this is important, it’s crucial to challenge your ideas of what is attractive, and remember that this can come in time.”And don’t forget that first appearances can be deceiving. As one X user put it: “Apparently the new dating parlance is ‘Shrekking’, eg women settling for a less attractive or impressive man. This is very funny as, frankly, a man with Shrek’s wit, chivalry, willingness to change, stoicism, and work ethic would be the answer to many modern women’s prayers.”Frankly, I couldn’t agree more. Plus, who among us can resist a Scottish accent?
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Shrekking – or deliberately dating ‘ugly’ men – is a new low for modern love
