Stay ahead of the curve with our weekly guide to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and moreStay ahead of the curve with our weekly guide to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and more Stay ahead of the curve with our weekly guide to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and more Atlas was a day old when he suddenly stopped breathing. “He was born perfectly healthy and everything else had been fine,” recalls his father, Mike, 31. “We thought he’d just been sleeping. But then, out of nowhere, we noticed something was wrong.” Thanks to his job as a youth worker, Mike had recently been trained in infant CPR. “I managed to resuscitate him while we were on the phone to 111, who quickly sent an ambulance.” Despite not breathing for five minutes, Atlas survived, with doctors later speculating this was a near-miss case of sudden infant death syndrome, which affects around 200 babies in the UK each year. But the experience took a severe toll on Mike, who has autism and a history of poor mental health, as well as his partner, Maz. “Both of us had postnatal depression and PTSD,” he says, recalling how he became completely withdrawn and rarely left the house in fear of Atlas suddenly being unable to breathe again. “I felt completely overwhelmed, isolated and, at my lowest, I was ready to take my own life,” he says. What ultimately stopped Mike from doing this was his son. “At a critical moment, I heard Atlas crying. I went to pick him up, and it just reminded me of the bond I had with him.”It would take Mike another year to tell Maz the extent of his poor mental health. But he did seek help from Dad Matters, a service provided by the charity Home-Start that he’d seen advertised on flyers in the hospital when Maz was pregnant. “I was matched with a coordinator, Dan, who checked in on me every week. Through that support and the support I received from Maz, I was able to recover.”Tragically, not all new fathers can say the same. New research led by Swansea University suggests that two to three babies lose their dads to suicide every week across the UK. The study, which provides the first population-level rate for paternal suicide in the 1,001 days from pregnancy to age two, found that seven times as many fathers died by suicide during this time period compared to mothers. Researchers looked at suicide rates in Wales between 2002 and 2021 for the first 1,001 days of their child’s life, during which time 16 mothers died by suicide, as well as 107 fathers. open image in gallerySeven times as many fathers died by suicide in their baby’s first 1,001 days compared with mothers (Getty)Former health minister Andrea Leadsom, who launched the 1001 Critical Days Foundation that commissioned the research, has called the findings a “wake-up call”. “Conversations around the whole perinatal period, from pregnancy to the age of two, have quite rightly been dominated by mothers and understanding their mental and physical health during this time,” she tells me. “But we’re missing something, which is that dads are crucial, too.” She points to research that has shown children cope far better when they have secure attachments with both their mother and father.Currently, fathers are excluded from specialist perinatal mental health services in the UK. This is despite the fact that up to 13 per cent of dads are thought to experience depression during pregnancy and early parenthood. And yet, the only nation recording the age of children at the time of paternal suicide is Wales. Meanwhile, maternal mortality is recorded nationally. Hence, the 1001 Critical Days Foundation has awarded a £1m grant to Home-Start with the aim of nationally rolling out its Dad Matters programme. It supports new fathers through one-to-one confidential support, as well as group services designed to help dads understand their role in early childhood development and build bonds with their babies while maintaining their mental health.“Men struggle to talk about their mental health anyway, but when they’re having a baby, a lot of them think they must look after their partner and not be selfish,” says Leadsom. “So if a man is feeling down or confused during this time, they might think, ‘Well, this can’t be about me, I need to swallow my own feelings to be there for my partner and baby’. So that can be quite difficult for them as they feel the need to stifle themselves and not talk about their feelings even more.”If a man is feeling down or confused during this time, they might think, ‘Well, this can’t be about me, I need to swallow my own feelings to be there for my partner and baby’Andrea Leadsom, former health ministerFor Mike, there was an underlying sense of feeling compelled to keep calm and carry on, even during the darkest of moments, as if talking about what he was experiencing was insignificant compared to what his partner was going through. “Dads often get overlooked,” he says. “There’s already a stigma around men speaking up about their feelings in general, but society expects dads to ‘just get on with it’. That silence means paternal suicide gets ignored in policy and in public conversations, even though it’s a real crisis.” For the first two months of Atlas’s life, Mike was his primary caregiver because Maz was struggling with postnatal depression. “I remember leaving the house to buy nappies and I cried all the way there and back because I was so terrified Atlas would stop breathing again.” Even in 2025, a stigma persists that prevents men from feeling like they can speak openly about their mental health. “Men feel pressured to ‘hold it together’ for their partner and baby, and shame and stigma around men expressing vulnerability make it harder to ask for help,” says Lauren Seager-Smith, CEO of the For Baby’s Sake Trust, which supports parents impacted by domestic abuse in the first 1,001 days of parenthood. “Added to this are the stresses of becoming a parent – financial worries, lack of sleep, relationship changes, and unresolved childhood traumas that can surface in parenthood. We need to start having honest conversations about fathers’ mental health and the impact this has on babies, ensuring support is inclusive, trauma-informed, and accessible to all parents.”There is less routine screening for paternal mental health during the perinatal period, meaning fathers can slip through the cracks of services designed primarily for mothersNeil Ingham, executive director at SamaritansSuicide is the leading cause of death for men under the age of 45, and while a number of charities, including Samaritans and Calm, are doing extensive work in this area, it’s clear that targeted work is needed for new fathers. In addition to Dad Matters, an emerging subsection of organisations are doing just that, including Pregnant Then Screwed and The Dad Shift, which is currently campaigning for better paternity leave in the UK. “There is less routine screening for paternal mental health during the perinatal period, meaning fathers can slip through the cracks of services designed primarily for mothers,” says Neil Ingham, executive director at Samaritans. “This can leave them feeling invisible at a time when they may be struggling.”Of course, the problem extends beyond this, too. While the research found that rates of suicide were high in new fathers, they were even higher in men of a similar age without children or with older children, reflecting the prevalence of male suicide rates more generally. “However, early fatherhood remains a critical time for intervention,” adds Professor Ann John, who led the study. “We often run campaigns asking men to seek help for their mental health, but we could be much more proactive in offering support at those key times of transition when they are more likely to be in contact with services. We need pathways to be available and tailored to both parents, from self-care resources to specialist perinatal mental health services.”Today, Mike is doing well, as is Maz. Now four years old, Atlas is about to start school. “He’s thriving,” says Mike. “And I’m just so grateful I’m still here to see that. With the right support, fathers can get through even the darkest times and be there for their children. I want people to see that early help for dads saves lives – not just for fathers, but for whole families.”If you are experiencing feelings of distress, or are struggling to cope, you can speak to the Samaritans, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email [email protected], or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch.If you are based in the USA, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline on 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.
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The reality behind the ‘hidden crisis’ of suicide among new fathers
