Sign up to our free Living Well email for advice on living a happier, healthier and longer lifeLive your life healthier and happier with our free weekly Living Well newsletterLive your life healthier and happier with our free weekly Living Well newsletterMy first experience of giving birth was an emergency C-section. I was thrust onto a wheelie trolley and cut open in the early hours of the morning. It can’t get more raw than that.The contractions beforehand were literally unbearable. I had refused an epidural – and then begged for one. There are plenty of gory details I could go into here. But I won’t. While it was one of the hardest experiences of my life, don’t think new or expecting mothers need to hear it.A new website called Frida Uncensored, which launched in the UK this summer, thinks it’s essential that they do. The platform for mums-to-be and new mums is “a stripped-down resource for women, by women” with real, unfiltered and explicit X-rated “how-to videos”, starring half-naked mums in clips titled “How to heal a postpartum vagina”, “How to soothe engorged breasts”, and “How to treat cracked nipples”.Another video, “How to do a prenatal perineal massage”, reveals a mum lubricating herself before stretching her vulva with a prepare-to-push perineal massage wand. “How to treat a C-section scar”, meanwhile, is enough to put anybody off having a baby, as if Gen Z or Millennials needed any more discouragement.The website was developed by Chelsea Hirschhorn, the founder and CEO of the parenting and fertility health brand Frida, who created the “The SnotSucker Nasal Aspirator” for newborns and toddlers. She also uses her own mum’s products in many of the videos. She told The Times that the videos are “not for provocation”, but for “education”.open image in galleryThe new website Frida Uncensored shows mums how to treat cracked nipples and heal a postpartum vagina in explicit videos (Getty Images)I’m sure many women like me are relieved they didn’t see these videos before having a baby. Though some of them are useful, such as “How to do an at-home insemination” and “How to keep sperm close to the cervix”.But why would new mums need to see the private parts of a fellow mum as she squirts soap up her vagina with an upside-down peri bottle, while sitting on the toilet, in “How to clean a postpartum vagina”? It’s just another thing to worry about in the world of modern parenting, along with nutrition trends and parenting styles.The danger with this type of hysteria, also often seen on forums Mumsnet and Netmums, is that it’s probably not helping anyone. Most mums have horror stories – but trauma-dumping only makes new parents more anxious. It’s under the guise of being real, but it risks making people freak out. It’s like managing one’s expectations of a holiday by reading tons of bad reviews on TripAdvisor.The website Frida Uncensored states that it aims to help women who are poorly equipped for parenthood: according to research by Frida, one in three mothers in the UK feels unprepared for having their baby and struggles to find accurate information. But really, I think that mothers will feel even more unprepared if they’re led to believe every experience is traumatic.I’m not dismissing the fact that new motherhood is daunting, and financial struggles can make it feel impossible. I was out of my mind on elation and exhaustion – and the sole parent. I’d chosen (sort of) to have children on my own after my partner died while we were in the midst of IVF, and I went on to have his two children, Lola and Liberty, now nine and seven, following his death with his banked sperm.Why would new mums need to see the private parts of a fellow mum as she squirts soap up her vagina with an upside-down peri bottle, while sitting on the toilet, in ‘How to clean a postpartum vagina’?Enough people told me I was crazy to do it alone, and especially to push the boat by having a second child. I ignored them – just as I did the litany of worries attached to motherhood: cracked nipples, diaper blowouts (or poo explosions), blocked milk ducts, babies not latching on, babies screaming all night, total burnout to the point of collapse, sagging skin, no life, no money, and the loss of all your non-parent friends.The truth is that motherhood – or the overwhelming nature of impending parenthood – gets a bad reputation. In fact, having a baby is not rocket science. Yes, it’s tough, with little infrastructure to help working parents. But the reality is it’s much harder with a seven-year-old and a nine-year-old with complex emotional needs than a baby who drinks milk and sleeps.For any parent, it’s always been a learning curve that we mostly all survive and get the hang of. We have parents, best friends – and even grandparents – who all got through it. Everywhere I go, other mums are dying to share their experiences with me. It becomes irritating to get so much feedback.It’s true that parenting platforms, like Frida Uncensored, can dispel the sometimes outdated narrative on having a baby – and show it warts and all. Especially when social media is full of picture-perfect ideals of motherhood that create unrealistic expectations – and contribute to a feeling of “compare and despair” and mum guilt. But we don’t need more fear, and videos of what mastitis looks like in the armpit just don’t help.I wonder if some of it might avoidably scare the living daylights out of some women in the early days of pregnancy. The overwhelming nature of impending parenthood is enough to deal with. The philosophy to be forewarned is forearmed isn’t always best. A 14-hour labour marathon is nothing compared to the daily 14-hour work/life juggle with pre-teens. But at the end of the day, it’s worth it.
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Most mums have horror stories – but trauma-dumping only makes new parents more anxious
